dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize