there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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