i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
