matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
honey bunches of taint.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
