it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
