I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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