question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
