dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
