420 ftw
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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