Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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