Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
