btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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