I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
