belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
