Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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