I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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