My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
