I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
