you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize