dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
