i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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