Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize