you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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