I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
