worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
