been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize