I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you would pick up someone in the library
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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