wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
