Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
