he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
