So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
