She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize