You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Randomize
