why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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