you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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