Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
