Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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