allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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