Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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