Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
