By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
