He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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