How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
People in love make me want to vomit
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
