I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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