had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
