i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
