we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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