i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
