do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
