No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
