i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
