Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize