he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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