maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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