You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
