1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she peed on how many people?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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