When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
