When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize