it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
