was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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