Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
