Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
