That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
