So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize