I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just found puke in my bra..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
