I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
