That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
