he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
