The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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