nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
