I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
