Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so let's talk penis.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
