I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize