I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
