You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
