I didn't shave. On purpose
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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