Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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