I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
