I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
