btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
