I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
