Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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