i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
