Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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