So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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