I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
