If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
