Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
