operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
