Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You pole danced in your parka.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
