i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
