remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
vagina is talking i cant
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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