it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
