No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
