Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
