the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
