just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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