I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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