what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
