ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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