So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
