Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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