i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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