I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
