Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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