so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize