I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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