I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize