we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
