Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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